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6 Habits of Remarkably Likable People

They're charming. They're genuine. And they can make an entire room full of people smile.

But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a little shy and a little insecure.

Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:

They lose the power pose.

I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.

It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.

No matter how big a deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton, no slouch at this either.

Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly, to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance or status. They're genuine.

Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.

We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.)

They embrace the power of touch.

Nonsexual touch can be very powerful. (Yes, I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.

Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.

Check out Clinton's right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile, that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.

Think the same won't work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.

Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked.

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10 Things Extraordinary People Say Every Day

They're small things, but each has the power to dramatically change someone's day. Including yours.

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Want to make a huge difference in someone's life? Here are things you should say every day to your employees, colleagues, family members, friends, and everyone you care about:

"Here's what I'm thinking."

You're in charge, but that doesn't mean you're smarter, savvier, or more insightful than everyone else. Back up your statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position or authority.

Though taking the time to explain your decisions opens those decisions up to discussion or criticism, it also opens up your decisions to improvement.

Authority can make you "right," but collaboration makes everyone right--and makes everyone pull together.

"I was wrong."

I once came up with what I thought was an awesome plan to improve overall productivity by moving a crew to a different shift on an open production line. The inconvenience to the crew was considerable, but the payoff seemed worth it. On paper, it was perfect.

In practice, it wasn't.

So, a few weeks later, I met with the crew and said, "I know you didn't think this would work, and you were right. I was wrong. Let's move you back to your original shift."

I felt terrible. I felt stupid. I was sure I'd lost any respect they had for me.

It turns out I was wrong about that, too. Later one employee said, "I didn't really know you, but the fact you were willing to admit you were wrong told me everything I needed to know."

When you're wrong, say you're wrong. You won't lose respect--you'll gain it.

"That was awesome."

No one gets enough praise. No one. Pick someone--pick anyone--who does or did something well and say, "Wow, that was great how you..."

And feel free to go back in time. Saying "Earlier, I was thinking about how you handled that employee issue last month..." can make just as positive an impact today as it would have then. (It could even make a bigger impact, because it shows you still remember what happened last month, and you still think about it.)

Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the recipient. Start praising. The people around you will love you for it--and you'll like yourself a little better, too.

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NBC, Inc - Success Means Learning to Let Go

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Success Means Learning to Let Go

Success results not from adding things to your life but from letting go of them.

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When most people think about success, they think about adding things to their life: more money, more prestige, a nicer car, a bigger house. The problem with that way of thinking is that it ignores the fact that your ability to succeed is directly proportional to your ability to let go of things. Let me explain.

Because you are a human being, you have the potential to do and to be many different things. However, though it's true you can do anything, you can't do everything. Every life decision that you make is not just saying yes to the future you want to create but also no to the many other futures that you might have otherwise created.

If you're going to be truly successful at pursuing that future, you can't waste time and energy mooning about what might have been if you had made a different decision. You'll only achieve your goal if you truly let go of those other desires and possible directions.

The ability to let go is especially essential for managers. It's a truism that the most effective managers delegate as much as possible. By contrast, people who micromanage are always a burden on themselves and the people around them.

Success as a manager therefore means letting go of responsibility and authority. Mitchell Kertzman, one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world, once told me:

When I started [my first] company, it was a one-man business. There was a time when I did every job in this company. I wrote the programs, I sent out the bills, I did the accounting, I answered the phone, I made the coffee. As the company has grown, I do fewer and fewer of those jobs. And that's just as well, because I was certainly less competent at them than most of the people who are doing them now. I'm the reverse of the Peter Principle in the sense that I've finally risen to my level of competence, which is that I don't do anything very well and now what I do extremely well is nothing.

Similarly, Lew Platt, arguably HP's most successful CEO, once characterized the job of the CEO as "managing the white spaces on the organizational chart."

Business pundits are forever touting the importance of being flexible and nimble. What that really means, though, is that you, and your organization, must be willing and able to let go of behaviors that were successful in the past and are no longer working.

The same is true throughout life, which is actually a process of shedding the burdens and misconceptions of youth. As St. Paul so memorably put it:

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

This is not a philosophy of loss or grief but of the greater success you can achieve that can come only if you truly learn to let go. At the risk of going from the profound to the trivial, I would like to illustrate this point with an experience of my own.

A few months back, I was in a state of incredible frustration. Every part of my business seemed to be stalled, with the solution out of my control. While I was in this state, I called a friend of mine, the movie producer/sales executive David Rotman. (I wrote about him in a prior post.)

He listened to me complain for a few minutes and then said: "Geoff, take a piece of paper and a Sharpie and write the following words in big letters: 'I love letting go.' Now hang that paper by your computer screen."

"That's your advice?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied.

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NBC, Inc - 10 Habits of Remarkably Charismatic People

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10 Habits of Remarkably Charismatic People

Charisma isn't something you have. It's something you earn. Here's how.

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Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by walking in.

We can't always define it, but some people have it: They're naturally charismatic.

Unfortunately, natural charisma quickly loses its impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.

But some people are remarkably charismatic: They build and maintain great relationships, consistently influence (in a good way) the people around them, consistently make people feel better about themselves--they're the kind of people everyone wants to be around...and wants to be.

Fortunately we can, because being remarkably charismatic isn't about our level of success or our presentation skills or how we dress or the image we project--it's about what we do.

Here are the 10 habits of remarkably charismatic people:

1. They listen way more than they talk.

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond--not so much verbally, but nonverbally.

That's all it takes to show the other person they're important.

Then when you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.

Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I would do..." about: you or the other person?

Only speak when you have something important to say--and always define importantas what matters to the other person, not to you.

2. They don't practice selective hearing.

Some people--I guarantee you know people like this--are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.

Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.

Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.

Because we do: We're all people.

3. They put their stuff away.

Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.

You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.

Give the gift of your full attention. That's a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.

4. They give before they receive--and often they never receive.

Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.

Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

5. They don't act self-important…

The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.

The rest of us aren't impressed. We're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.

And we hate when you walk in the room.

6. …Because they realize other people are more important.

You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.

That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.

But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don't know.

That makes them a lot more important than you--because they're people you can learn from.

7. They shine the spotlight on others.

No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.

Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?

Shame on you--it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.

Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they're doing.

Then they'll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.

*To Read More, Click here.*

NBC, Inc - 8 Things Remarkably Successful People Do

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8 Things Remarkably Successful People Do

The most successful people in business work differently. See what they do--and why it works.

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I'm fortunate to know a number of remarkably successful people. I've described howthese people share a set of specific perspectives and beliefs.

They also share a number of habits:

1. They don't create back-up plans.

Back-up plans can help you sleep easier at night. Back-up plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.

You'll work a lot harder and a lot longer if your primary plan simply has to work because there is no other option. Total commitment--without a safety net--will spur you to work harder than you ever imagined possible.

If somehow the worst does happen (and the "worst" is never as bad as you think) trust that you will find a way to rebound. As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your mistakes, you always will.

2. They do the work...

You can be good with a little effort. You can be really good with a little more effort.

But you can't be great--at anything--unless you put in an incredible amount of focused effort.

Scratch the surface of any person with rare skills and you'll find a person who has put thousands of hours of effort into developing those skills.

There are no shortcuts. There are no overnight successes. Everyone has heard about the 10,000 hours principle but no one follows it... except remarkably successful people.

So start doing the work now. Time is wasting.

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NBC, Inc - 3 Things Every Great Leader Gets Wrong

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3 Things Every Great Leader Gets Wrong

Think you're a great leader? Make sure you aren't guilty of one of these three reality-distorting traits.

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The late Steve Jobs speaks during his keynote speech at the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference in San Francisco, California June 9, 2008.

 

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Every great leader possesses a degree of what Walter Isaacson (in his biography of Steve Jobs) describes as "an ability to distort reality."

What Isaacson meant is that Jobs forced his will on Apple, often pushing people to create things they never thought possible--a powerful asset in any leader.

But that reality distortion effect works both ways. It also means that every leader, to a greater or lesser degree, distorts the reality around themselves, leading to tensions, inconsistency, and bad decisions.

There are two reasons why leaders who live in a bubble become so dangerous to themselves and those they lead.

First, the most insidious aspect of this is that it happens in seemingly mundane ways which are hard to spot, but which have far-from mundane consequences to the group, team or organization.

Second, the bubble effect is directly proportional to the ability of the leader. The better they are at what they do, the larger the bubble grows, and the harder it becomes to burst. (Peers and colleagues will readily burst a reality bubble of an insecure or less than effective colleague, but the highly successful leader is rarely challenged.)

Here are the three things most great leaders get wrong, and which together, place them inside a negative reality distortion field:

1. The time needed to do things.

Visionary leaders work at such strategic heights that they consistently underestimate how long it actually takes to get stuff done. (My estimate is that most visionary leaders have a seven-times perception error. If they say something will take an hour to do, it will actually take a day; if they think a day is enough, it'll take a week.)
This particular form of reality distortion regularly gets positive play in the media, who love stories of derring-do whereby the hard-charging visionary leader refuses to accept what mere mortals tell them, and instead push their team to superhuman feats of achievement in unheard-of time frames.
Unfortunately, the sad reality is that for every published tale of whip-cracking brilliance there are a thousand exhausted, frazzled teams forced to produce crappy, unsustainable gum-and-glue solutions for no other reason than their leaders inability to tell time.

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NBC, Inc What Great Leaders Have That Good Leaders Don't

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What Great Leaders Have That Good Leaders Don't

The difference between good and great leadership can be expressed in a single word: loyalty.

 

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“My loyalty to Country and Team is beyond reproach.” --Navy SEAL Creed

When you think of strong leaders, you probably think of people who are decisive, bold, confident, and fearless. You’re not wrong. Good leaders have all of these qualities. But how many good leaders are also loyal? I don’t know, but I know that every great leader is.

Loyalty is one of the core values taught in the Navy SEAL training program. Instructors teach you from the first day that your team is everything to you. You succeed with them, and you fail without them. And you never leave anyone behind.

During the chaos of SEAL training, which includes the most grueling physical and mental punishment imaginable, the officers in charge of each boat crew are expected to keep an accurate headcount while their world is literally exploding around them. If they fail to report an accurate number to the instructors, the entire team is punished brutally. It teaches you quickly what it means to live or die as a team. You succeed together or not at all.

My SEAL training is part of me for life. It resides deep within me. Obviously, the business world is different from the world of combat, but there are similarities, too. I try to apply my SEAL training every day to my role as a business leader, and team loyalty is at the top of that list.

A commitment to loyalty is becoming uncommon in business leaders. I think that’s a shame. As leaders, we have the duty to hire responsibly and then support the people we hire. These are some of the lessons in loyalty that I learned as a SEAL and apply daily to my job as a business owner:

Never throw anyone under the bus. As a leader, redirect praise to your team members and protect them from criticism. If you need to talk to a team member about a misstep, do it behind closed doors.

Never leave anyone behind. Instill in your team the belief that every person on the team is as important as the next. Include everyone in the celebration of success. And don’t blame any one person for a failure. The next time you have a business success, publicly thank people in lower-level support roles for their contributions to the team.

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